I am not yet the person I want to be. I would love to have strong relationships with many people but I have yet to make them. Why? It's not because I'm "diva" and think well they should make a move to build a relationship with me, it's not even because of a bad or negative "child hood experience" my childhood was great! Dang! What is it that makes me so afraid to talk to people? The only answer I can come up with is.....(oooh I don't want to say this)....my confidence. What?! No. No! I don't have low self esteem. I don't. Okay I am shy. Well why am I shy? Neither one of my parents are shy or softspoken. Why am I?
It's not that I can't talk to people and build a relationship with them, I am very capable of doing that. My concern is that I don't take the inneciative to build STRONG relationships with people (and I don't mean just any old body, I'm talking even people in my family!) sad I know. I'm sad about it as I continue to think about it. My aunt had surgery this week and I have not gone to visit her. Wow I feel so guilty. Is this just me being selfish? Is this the era we now live in that people are so disconnected from one another because of the lack of personal communication?! We have texting (you no longer have to talk on the phone) and facebook (you no longer have to visit someone in their home). How dare I or anyone think of these alternatives as okay. How could you ever build a real relationship with a person strictly online or through a text message? Granted all of these advancements in technology are convenient, but not a substitute. I had to get this out. I had to write down what I am feeling at this very moment so that WHEN I change my attitude I can see my improvement.
I don't quite know what it is that makes me this way, but I do know I can choose to change my attitude. Becoming an independent person begins with me! I have to "break the mold" I have currently conformed to. As I think about it I think that is it. I'm so used to doing things a particular way (that is very dependent) that becoming independent and doing things by myself makes me a little nervous. At least when it comes to relationship building with others. (sigh) okay. Like I said I just needed to get this all out. I'm done now lol
It's not that I can't talk to people and build a relationship with them, I am very capable of doing that. My concern is that I don't take the inneciative to build STRONG relationships with people (and I don't mean just any old body, I'm talking even people in my family!) sad I know. I'm sad about it as I continue to think about it. My aunt had surgery this week and I have not gone to visit her. Wow I feel so guilty. Is this just me being selfish? Is this the era we now live in that people are so disconnected from one another because of the lack of personal communication?! We have texting (you no longer have to talk on the phone) and facebook (you no longer have to visit someone in their home). How dare I or anyone think of these alternatives as okay. How could you ever build a real relationship with a person strictly online or through a text message? Granted all of these advancements in technology are convenient, but not a substitute. I had to get this out. I had to write down what I am feeling at this very moment so that WHEN I change my attitude I can see my improvement.
I don't quite know what it is that makes me this way, but I do know I can choose to change my attitude. Becoming an independent person begins with me! I have to "break the mold" I have currently conformed to. As I think about it I think that is it. I'm so used to doing things a particular way (that is very dependent) that becoming independent and doing things by myself makes me a little nervous. At least when it comes to relationship building with others. (sigh) okay. Like I said I just needed to get this all out. I'm done now lol
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